I is on the island again now.

I broke my toe.

It hurts.

A lot.

I sick.


gonna be unconscious for awhile.... on strong meds...


be back when I'm awake.

When things get me down, which has been a lot lately. I try to remember one very important thing: "The voices in my head tell me I'm special."

Again, I haven't been around most my usual online places because I'm still a bit batshit. I also get this guilt about not being around friends or people that might need me. Complexes are fun that way.

I'm battling with myself wither I'm going to the Island or not. I need the money but... honestly I don't really want to go. I like it here and I like it there. But I don't like the isolation. The only way I can remedy that is with something I can do every week to get me off that bloody island.

But the jury is still out. I may end up staying down here longer and going up later in the season.

I don't like being able to FEEL the line between insanity and sanity. But don't worry. At the moment I'm okay in that regard... at least the kind of good crazy...

Slowly trying to write and draw more. Again. Working on fighting those underlying "i'm a failure, baw" feelings.

Might as well find the things that make me happy and hold on for dear life.

It would be wonderful if someone could swoop in and fix it. but there is that and then there is reality.

And this amuses me:

my cat stole my therapy ball.... I don't think I'm getting it back.

I haven't had many in the way of happy entries for this place in awhile. Sorry about that.

This is another ow-fuck-why entry. Feel free to scroll on past.





because JESUS FUCK OW WHAT THE HELL BITE MY WRIST OF PAIN!

and by the way... check out the fandom journal for more icons.

my foot hurts.

I have to use a ball for psychical therapy. But I get distracted and start bouncing it instead. therapy. therapy. BOUNCY BALL!

...

I'm... starting to feel normal again.



I'm gonna go to town now, if my car will start.

Found out what was wrong with my foot/leg. The tendons in my foot have shorted. I have plantar fasciitis... though mine kinda presented oddly. I have no pain in my heel, it's all just under the ball of my foot and arch.

Either way.

ow.

jordan here

right foot/leg/ankle hurt. I can feel the blood pooling. more than usual.

my jordan.

no share.

hurt ow.

mine.

This is gonna suck in the morning but right now....


I feel fantastic.














and I'm out of beer.

Current Mood: bouncy

I'm taking my mother to physical therapy every Monday, Wednesday and Friday. Next week I'm driving her to work. Yeah... an hour long drive everyday. I'll be staying at the office in that time. They are giving me a cubical. I'll probably take my laptop or something... I dunno if I'll have internet there or not but I probably wouldn't be doing that much anyway.

My body meanwhile is a dirty traitor like always. I'm not in the best of health at the moment but I don't have much of a choice. I've been taking pain killers almost non stop for the past week. One real bad day mom gave me a tylenol 3... Think that was monday.
I've been falling asleep on the floor again.

But I blame that I watching .avi files on my computer and the floor being more comfortable than my chair.

Anyway... have to go do everything today. take care of the dogs, dinner, shopping... etc...



I need more caffeine.

Current Mood: busy

ow fuck.

I'm working on getting back to normal... I've gotten some improvement but I still get bad days...

The past couple have been... interesting. Today.... was bad.

I didn't have interest in most things that I enjoy... Bad voices saying things in my head.

But mostly I've been a hellva lot of pain.


The other night I created a new journal that I'll be putting all my fandom crap in. Fics and art etc... right I just have the fics up... I'll get the art up later. You can find it at sneakysilver

( You are about to view content that may not be appropriate for minors. )

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I got blood on my new Punisher shirt. This pleases in my fangirl parts.




I also got blood all over my hands too but that can't be helped. It was a fun random nosebleed of doom. I think it stopped. I say with blood sticky fingers. Thinking about it, I wonder if I see more blood than the average person. Granted it's often my OWN blood. That or one of the animals.... usually get more puss with them though.

So here is what happened. Yesterday, I wake up at midnight. I couldn't get back to sleep. This led me to be awake until... about 7:30pm then... sigh. I woke up at midnight again. What fun. I hope I don't have another repeat...
On the up side, being awake enabled me to stop my mom from causing herself anymore pain by overworking(yes, she has a broken arm and she was trying to TYPE up an Article for a Law Journal. I had to kick her off the computer, just short of physically forcing her to sit down and take her pain meds. I ended up typing up the rest of the article for her while she dictated. Incidentally it led to some strange typos on my part for being UP for so long.). My god we're a bunch of stubborn bastards.

I don't know what the fuck I'm doing for New Years... I can still bug you guys up in Roscommon sometime right? :< (probably not til after new years though...)

and I'm a very bad daughter... Dad's birthday was yesterday and I couldn't get to him. blah....

some of you may have noticed I died for most of yesterday...

I think I'm gonna do the same today.

The weather has had it's why with my body. And that SOUNDS more fun that it is. I crashed on the floor the night before last and last night.. well... my blood pressure was off. When I got up from the couch to drag myself up to bed... I collapsed on the floor in the kitchen. Spooked the dogs a little. But I got up and flumped in bed.

This is all... urm... 'normal' sick behavior from me. Though I'm trying to kick the sleeping on the floor habit.

I started doing it again when my mom broke her arm. I needed to sleep but I didn't want to sleep too deeply in case she needed me... which ended up being the case.

This selective insomnia isn't helping. I have enough other stuff wrong that just taking benedrlyl does wonders. Though last night it didn't help much. I laid on the couch until 4am watching a House mathron and waiting to fall asleep. It never happened so I finally dragged myself off to bed. I was, however, more comfortable than I have been.

I don't know exactly what it is(well I do) but my right leg was being painful as all hell and my left side felt like I'd fallen about five feet onto it. It is all muscle related. I THINK I know what caused it.

anyway.

Just here to say, despite the fact I am dying for days at a time, I am, in fact, not dead.

Oh yeah, and the weather took out our phones. And the wireless connection. Wireless is still spotty. The high winds of the last couple days have been murder.

Current Mood: sick

Mom broken.

Slipped on ice.

Arm broke.

I take in for surgery tomorrow... won't be back till like 5 or 6.

Went got mom at noon finally home at 3. Finally got the pain meds now. Didn't have all day. High pain tolerance. Doctors didn't give pain killers only script. Hate occupational healthcare.

English fail.

... so much for that.

Nice to know people don't talk me about important shit.

find your way to my insanejournal if you will... I speak there for now. Do some searching and you could find it... only those who can find it without asking should be the ones reading it anyway. yes. use your creepy stalker skills.
It is rare that I do this. But... I only want those who can make the effort of four or five extra clicks.

Hey... Mood finally broke today. It...was kinda random but

[22:49] Kinoshita: WHY ARE YOU READING THAT?
[22:51] Silver: ..............um
[22:51] Kinoshita: ......................... oh GOD... what??!
[22:51] Silver: because... it's horrible and funnny
[22:51] Kinoshita: oh... okay... I thought you were doing some kind of twisted research for someone.
[22:52] Silver: and I want to play Novel!Liquid and I have to.....snrk... make sure it's..... canon?
[22:52] Kinoshita: ....................
[22:52] Kinoshita: I KNEW IT
[22:52] Kinoshita: I FUCKING KNEW IT
[22:52] Kinoshita: AARRRRRRRRRRRRGH!!!
[22:54] Silver: ...sorry?
[22:54] Kinoshita: I love you.
[22:55] Kinoshita: but I must kill you.... brother! Come on DOWN!
[22:58] Kinoshita: oh dear...
[22:58] Kinoshita: are you reading now?
[23:01] Kinoshita: I guess so!
[23:13] Silver: his screen name is cmon_down
[23:13] Kinoshita: if I knew better....
[23:13] Kinoshita: Rather... if I didn't know better, that would confuse me.
[23:13] Kinoshita: however...
[23:13] Kinoshita: since I know it's you.

Does it feel like the world around you has blinders on?